Tuesday, October 02, 2007

The Mask of Fear

Paul Klee
Not-being an artist myself, I'm guessing it would be less than easy to draw fear or its facsimile. It's such a jumpy thing to capture.


Blogger Nathan said...

Recognizing I am in the throes of my Uranus opposition, I am beginning to understand what fear is about. On the personal it is self preservation but on longer cycles it becomes much more shocking. I've always appreciated Paul Klee's work but I am better seeing what is imbedded there.

5/10/07 11:45 AM  
Blogger jm said...

Oh nathan, I'm so glad you responded to this, one of my favorite posts. This is wonderful.

This was painted one year before the Nazis stripped him of his post at the Academy of Dusseldorf.

What intrigues me about this work is the oddity of the expression and the almost light tone of it, yet he was there in the midst of the Nazi horror. He had a good upbringing, though, and support from his family.

I wonder where the source of fear is inside of us and if it can be controlled. If being Jewish, for example, means a lifetime of fear for that reason alone. Or being what is perceived by society as threateningly abnormal. The Jews were terrified when the Nazis rose, but they handled it differently, some getting out, some going to the slaughter. Recognition came at completely different times to them. Most people are pathologically obedient, the source of so much of human trouble, I think, and I wonder why they're wired that way. Why does survival depend on this now?

For me Uranus is interesting because the fear has a positive edge to it, as if I'm becoming more evolved and aware through the stripping of previously held defenses. I'd be curious to know what you're experiencing. I find with Uranus an absence of blame of others, just an urge to get free.

I'm watching with interest the Uranus-Saturn opposition coming up.

Paul Klee had an unusual outlook. I'm going to find his astrofacts.

5/10/07 1:34 PM  
Blogger jm said...

Klee had a Moon-Jupiter conjunction in Pisces opposite Uranus.
Mars-Neptune-Pluto in Taurus. Neptune exactly trine Uranus.

During the summer of 1937, 17 of his works were featured in the great exhibition organized by the 3rd Reich, 'Degenerate Art', whose aim was to sound the death-knell of modern art.

It is in 1940 that his tone changes radically.

These artist are interesting in that many of them were forced to go to war in the two world wars, and they worked their whole lives within this framework.

5/10/07 2:46 PM  
Anonymous Analysa said...

This is an extract from a channeling session I had years ago about a past life experience and the wall/ fear it created.

You understand that when you have an experience and the experience registers great wholeness and beauty, great knowledge and wisdom, but it also registers in the records of your being a trauma of some kind, a tragedy of some kind, then there is fear also registered there. If the fear is registered firmly and strongly, it creates a wall of separation and that wall does not allow you to access the gift because of the fear standing in your way. That is what creates separation. Now, the fear is there not because it intends to separate you, but it is the way you must access through it in order to heal and bring that fragment of your soul back into the wholeness of your being, so that it becomes more of a natural gift inside of you.

The fear is only your tracing element to find what you lost. If you have fear it is because there is something that you lost. Anytime that you have fear it is because you lost something, it is not for you to stand in the fear and contract and refuse to act. It is to say, “I´m feeling fearful, what have I lost?” And going in and finding what your loss is will help you find it and claim it. That dissolves the fear, once you claim what you lost there is no fear.

The soul holds all of the wholeness within it and it holds this memory full and complete of what the gift is. When you bring the gift into your system consciously, right now it is in your subconscious, when it is brought and released, because the fear is dismissed, then it becomes conscious, you automatically start to experience it, you start to feel it, you do not know why, you do not even know how it came about, but suddenly it is there and you can no longer deny it because it is becoming a great teacher for you. What you are looking for is going into the soul fragment and bringing it into the whole, because that is where your joys stands and that is where your love stands and that is where the knowledge of the gift is. So we can lead you into a healing to help bring this forward for you, we will do this more at the end of our time with you this day.

jm, I feel it is time you open the comments at the cafe, I´m sure people miss it. The spiral there seems to have reached its most yangized contracted state, I think it would like to expand again.
Still feel I should refrain from going into territories that may cause too much controversy.

6/10/07 4:09 AM  
Anonymous Analysa said...

Your jack, please.


dictionary - jack:
1. A man; a fellow.
2. 1. One who does odd or heavy jobs; a laborer.
2. One who works in a specified manual trade. Often used in combination: a lumberjack; a steeplejack.
3. Jack A sailor; a tar.
3. Games. A playing card showing the figure of a servant or soldier and ranking below a queen. Also called knave.
4. Games.
1. jacks (used with a sing. or pl. verb) A game played with a set of small six-pointed metal pieces and a small ball, the object being to pick up the pieces in various combinations.
2. One of the metal pieces so used.
5. Sports. A pin used in some games of bowling.
6.1. A usually portable device for raising heavy objects by means of force applied with a lever, screw, or hydraulic press.
2. A wooden wedge for cleaving rock.
7. A device used for turning a spit.
8. Nautical.
1. A support or brace, especially the iron crosstree on a topgallant masthead.
2. A small flag flown at the bow of a ship, usually to indicate nationality.
9. The male of certain animals, especially the ass.
10. Any of several food and game fishes of the family Carangidae, found in tropical and temperate seas.
11. A jackrabbit.
12. A socket that accepts a plug at one end and attaches to electric circuitry at the other.
13. Slang. Money.
14. Applejack.
15. Slang. A small or worthless amount: You don't know jack about that.

8/10/07 10:11 AM  
Blogger Nathan said...

JM, I attempted to reply to this earlier and found myself writing poetry. It was mostly nonsense and glissando, otherwise I'd share it. Thinking of Paul Klee's life reminded me of the life of Egon Schiele, and although there are distinct differences in their aesthetics, both were persecuted for their art during subsequent eras. The fear projected onto their works was misplaced, reflecting societal fears that authoritarianism perceives needing protection, but reminds us of the responsibility our freedom carries.

While issues of freedom developing from a lacking of needed resources have increasingly plagued me for the past decade, something I attribute to Uranus's transits through my second house and corresponding to the time I left college to meeting my current partner a few years ago; more recently I've been learning how my own thinking has contributed to my struggles, corresponding to Uranus's current transit through my third house and Pluto's slow movement through my first.

8/10/07 11:08 AM  
Blogger Nathan said...

I have been experiencing insight into areas of my personality that have previously eluded me. For example, my inspiration into how my motivation develops more from actions that are sustained over time, while seeming to reflect all the force of my egocentricity. This is the one I've recently worked with you on this site.

You may find it interesting that as a child, before I took any lessons, I loved improvising on the piano while pressing the sustain pedal. I often annoyed my parents with this but I found time to do it when no one else was in the house. The layered chords sang like angels in the heavens to my ear and I get much the same feeling looking at the night sky or viewing aurora borealis. Over time the discordant vibrations resolved into energy that cycled through my whole body, giving me an energized warm comfortable, even buzzy, feeling. I would often place the foot that wasn't holding the pedal on the sounding board under the keyboard so the circuit of vibration between me and the piano was amplified.

8/10/07 11:09 AM  
Blogger Nathan said...

The other area that I've been focusing on has been on my Mercury/Neptune inconjunct. Last week I demonstrated to myself how my Scorpio Moon plays into this, which was triggered by Pat's recent post on Moon signs. I've actually been aware of this most of my life, but it is interesting to see demonstrated how when I am dazed and unfocused that connection resolves by feeding my brain illusory scenarios that I can only distinguish from the truth by remaining in contact with my emotional self. If as was the case last Thursday, my emotional self is denied expression, it becomes overwhelmed by the Neptunian illusions making it difficult to sort out what is real.

My credibility with others suffers greatly leading to a cycle of self-abuse which actively dismantles confidence leading to repeated failures which only support the abuse. At the same time, this connection, when examined positively, projects the potential of my competence, something people often mistake in me for real knowledge! I'm beginning to see the connection of all this. The self-abuse attacks the ego, which I grew up thinking was the problem. Selfishly centered people are often criticized as having over-developed egos. I mistakenly took this to mean my ego was the problem when really the only problem is not articulating between truth and fiction.

8/10/07 11:10 AM  
Blogger Nathan said...

This is the problem with the story I shared with you, I intentionally created it as a blending of both truth and fiction, as a tool to face my own fears around sexuality, companionship and the chaos in society. It works too effectively, and because there is no way to determine what is real, fear develops in any reader who identifies with it, whether that is a rational connection or not. I have always wondered about the workings of the written word to effect and change the world. I may have uncovered something very essential here.

I mostly see fear is illusory. If one believes fear, it becomes too real until only clear reason can illuminate the truth it was base upon. I've been very intrigued by Milton Erickson's methods for breaking through resistance. I wonder if he developed them because he recognized also that resistance is a fear that blinds the mind from facing self-sabotage. His was a technique of confusion, which is how my story's properties also make it too effective.

8/10/07 11:11 AM  
Blogger jm said...

It was mostly nonsense and glissando, otherwise I'd share it.

Interesting statement. Glissando sounds sharable. Even nonsense. What makes us want to share and what, to hide?

The fear projected onto their works was misplaced, reflecting societal fears that authoritarianism perceives needing protection, but reminds us of the responsibility our freedom carries.

Nathan, this is what I'm getting at and I'm so glad you understand. I'm going to forge ahead on this with all the Saturn-Uranus ahead. People do not understand oppression here, but all they have to do is take a good look around and start to work on treasuring this most valuable thing in life, using it.

more recently I've been learning how my own thinking has contributed to my struggles

If only everyone understood this. How much more honest communication might be as a result of this self awareness.

8/10/07 2:22 PM  
Blogger jm said...

For example, my inspiration into how my motivation develops more from actions that are sustained over time

This is very very interesting, nathan. I have Pluto square my Mars now, perhaps the most important transit of my life, and this is a great statement to ponder. I've been frustrated at lack of forward motion, yet I sense something developing that I need to wait for, and sustain could be a lot of. I even literally have issues with the sustain pedal on my keyboard.

OMG!!!!!! I wrote the above before I read the rest!

I often annoyed my parents with this but I found time to do it when no one else was in the house. The layered chords sang like angels in the heavens to my ear and I get much the same feeling looking at the night sky or viewing aurora borealis.

Oh my god in heaven. I can't believe I'm reading this. I've been going crazy thinking I need to release some sustain and today I was going to the music store specifically to get another pedal for one of my pianos. This is unbelievable.

I've been battling the question of going heavenward with the sustain and dreaminess or going chopped, short, striking definitively without sustain. This connects to the wave and particle theory mpk and I were discussing that had such relevance to my music. Sustain is the wave and emotion. Particle the mind, I think.

This is amazing. I wanted so much to talk about it. there's a whole lot more.

8/10/07 2:35 PM  
Blogger jm said...

Absolutely fascinating About the story and fear. If the fear is that strong it's triggering something big in the person. Whether this catharsis is necessary or not, probably can't be answered, and shouldn't be by you the writer. The power of words is unmistakable. The question of fact or fiction probably isn't important either, or whether fear is an illusion or not. The same electro-chemical response in the body occurs. The chemistry of fear is a clue. It leads to response and this is where we have trouble. Confusion sets in when immediate action is not required. Fear is so so so intriguing.

There are supposed to be two pathways in the body-brain connection for fear. One is primitive and leads to immediate action. The other moves more slowly and all the psychological aspects enter. Decisions about action are entirely different. And the fear develops more illusions as it lingers. There are sound reasons. Maybe the illusions lead to deeper truths.

His was a technique of confusion, which is how my story's properties also make it too effective.

Confusion is extremely effective. Maybe it's part of the path to awareness.

If as was the case last Thursday, my emotional self is denied expression, it becomes overwhelmed by the Neptunian illusions making it difficult to sort out what is real.

I'm not so sure we have to always sort out the real. What really is real, anyway? I have Mercury square Neptune and the reluctance to delineate the real is part and parcel of the poetic skill. Yes, it does have psychological ramifications but this could be the price. Your story, for example, has universally disturbing elements, but should they be sorted out by you, the writer? What would this inhibition do to the end result? Spare the reader and deny yourself? Or does it provide breakthrough. This is the story of Mercury in Aries inconjunct Neptune in Scorpio. Aries-Scorpio is the surgical emotional cutting through and catharsis through intellect. Aries courageously cuts to the depth and core of the Scorpio sensation to be fully recognized and faced. Neptune might appear illusory but it adds to the truth of what Aries is seeking. Subtlety and all things veiled. What is done after that is another matter.

Aries-Scorpio is a fantastic combination, dangerous, of course, but the most truthfully penetrating. Sexual impulse turned to the mind's penetration of self.

This is what happened. When I read the story, I felt tremendous fear but recognized it as being natural and that it would take several days to process and it would be all right. I settled in for the road ahead. I've been through it infinite times.

The confusion was magnificent. What is happening? Am I evil? Am I doing something frightfully wrong?(I was, actually). Why did I attract this? Is it me? You? It? Them? What should I do? Should I be afraid? Should I be angry? Should I ignore it? Let it pass by?(impossible). Should I reject you? Is it my SN in Scorpio? Should I try to explain to you? Will I feel guilty if I don't and leave it alone? (I did). What should I say if I do speak?

I felt for sure that if I did speak it would be succinct and as close to the essential point as possible. Of course, now it's wandered into fascinating territory.

I may have uncovered something very essential here.

I believe you have. I would love to go further into the dissection of fear. With Pluto square my Mars-Neptune I'm ready to use it. I cannot make the next move in my life without it. Mastery is called for.

Very very very interesting nathan.

8/10/07 3:58 PM  
Blogger jm said...

About the only thing that brings me to despair anymore is the lack of honesty in communication. People get close then get afraid and start the circuitous path that eventually leads me to boredom. No connection. The crap mounts.

They mean little of what they say and most of it is filler. Something to do to pass the time. And get attention. There is of course the underlying alienation and loneliness that finds momentarty relief, no matter what is said, but I've always longed for everything. I know I ask too much of life, but so be it.

It's either the pleasure-pain of truth, or the frustration of boredom and discomfort trying to follow others' communication tracks when I know damn well they care little about me and what I want. Connection is a fragile thing. And how much do I need it? How much to endure to find it? I do have a packed Gemini 3rd house.

Part of honesty is painful truth and how to administer this is the genius of communication.

The spiritual meanderings are particulary hard to glean truth from. I don't know why this is. Maybe just the difficulty in articulating spiritual experience. Hard to get it away from the Hallmark Card level I so often talk about, and yet it needs to be said.

The spiritual probably finds release though the psychological so an understanding of ourselves might lead to shimmering spiritual expression. I'd love that. Frosted, at least, with honesty.

8/10/07 4:01 PM  
Blogger jm said...

The sustain pedal I was replacing is the most unusual one I've ever played with. It sustains about half the normal amount then stops. This threw me off. New dimension. I thought about the familiar.

So I got another pedal, plugged it in, and it failed to work entirely.

Decision made. Half-sustain, if any at all.

9/10/07 2:28 AM  
Blogger Nathan said...

I really miss the big sound of the huge upright pianos my mother favored. They tend to project the sound back at the performer rather than out at an audience, like a grand does. Later in life my mother has switched to a spinet which is easier to move.

I imagine it is frustrating to shop today for unique equipment, with the consumer so removed from the manufacturer. It almost requires the consumer to have engineering skills, just to suss out what works and what doesn't.

9/10/07 10:29 AM  
Blogger Nathan said...

As always, it is a joy to communicate honestly with you, JM. The rest is just static. I have to look at my brain as a big compost heap. When something emerges that has familiarity, but seems not fully decomposed, in other words, if it doesn't have that air of authenticity and that honesty of expression, I have to turn it under until it emerges again. By the time it is fully decomposed, I don't recoil from it as being inauthentic and I know I can use it now, fertilizing my creative goals.

9/10/07 10:30 AM  
Blogger Nathan said...

I too struggle with the elusive qualities of spiritual thought, but recently I've begun to contemplate the notion that spiritual knowledge is part of a larger dimension of empirical knowledge, persistent and constant with the physical dimensions we experience. Like Time, all knowledge is experienced through the mind but affects our physical world when we learn to apply it. Emotion is another form of knowledge, but requires a more intuitive application. We can posit these two forms of knowledge as different extremes: one structured the other chaotic.

As you are familiar with the Tao, the only way we can effectively apply both extremes is by centering ourselves between them so that they swirl around and away from us. If we attempt to follow only one or the other, we will move away from our authentic self; but if we follow both structure and chaos at once, say by following a spiritual discipline such as creating a balanced understanding of astrology; we can expand our consciousness outward from one of self-consciousness to one of universal consciousness.

Despair is an emotional reaction to confusion. It moves one away from centeredness exposing the underbelly of society and revealing the inauthentic in life. It develops from loosing perspective on the universal by leaving individual responsibility out of the equation. Only when self-responsibility is maintained can one move away from the emotional responses to spiritual confusion toward a more authentic and balanced way of being.

9/10/07 11:32 AM  
Blogger Nathan said...

JM, I'm going to put that last post in an edited form on my astrology blog.

9/10/07 11:35 AM  

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