Astrobabble with Winston Moonbat

Hello! Hello! All you gravity challenged voyagers of the universe!
With Uranus in Aries I've been upside down and sideways out here but I just righted my ship long enough to get down and deliver the latest. Unfortunately, it's quite bad.

"Workers at a Ukrainian aquarium didn't believe it when a visitor said a crocodile swallowed her phone. Then the reptile started ringing.

But Gena, the 14 year old reptile who swallowed the phone, has not been living a fairy tale. He hasn't eaten or had a bowel movement for four weeks and appears depressed and in pain."

Well, here's what was going on with the misbegotten creature's planets. He had a sesquiquadrate aspect going on between Pluto and Mars and a biquintile between the Moon and Saturn. You know how terrible that can be. Mars will be moving on and I certainly hope the croc gets his body in order and even if the phone does not pass, he could be receiving some interesting messages when the Sun moves into Gemini shortly. And, of course, Mercury will be going retrograde in that chatty astrological sign. Best wishes for a speedy recovery, Gena! I might give you a jingle.

The future? There's no such thing. That's just a silly notion you humans concocted in your ever-active brains. Don't be concerned. You'll get warts.

Now I must head back up and get everyone straightened out in time for Aries target practice. And dust off your dictionaries for the coming Gemini transit. Vocabulary reigns!
Crocodile story: Maria Danilova: Associated Press