Thursday, January 24, 2008

A Personal Breakthrough

As I look around and see the general anxiety of society, the fear rising jaggedly like the graph of an agitated heart, I'm put at ease when I notice even the tiniest increment of progress.
I love to party. Last evening I had one scheduled, so I put on something nice and set out to enjoy myself, even though I had a headache. I arrived from the crisp night air, and when I walked through the door I was struck by the tension in the atmosphere. The people, friends and associates I like, were agitated and unfocused. I didn't feel inclined to eat anything from the buffet and the music was hideous.
My old self would have had a couple of drinks and pushed through the obstacles, pretending to feel joy, then would nervously recover from the unpleasant sensations the next day. Last night, however, I turned around and walked out the door with no regrets.
I'm beginning to think that the painful punishing atmosphere of my society now is teaching me free choice and maybe even good sense. If I really do value my well-being I can walk away. And from now on I will. I'm fully responsible for my health and happiness.

13 Comments:

Blogger jm said...

After I got back from India in 1969 I spent some time in Woodstock, NY, working with Tim Hardin, the singer songwriter who wrote If I Were A Carpenter. There was a fascinating man who ran a tie-dye factory and had a beautiful house where talented artists and musicians lived communally.

One night he had a large party that was one of the best parties I ever attended in my life. Everyone in town was there and it was magical.

In the dining room was a huge buffet of vegetarian food and in the living room people were lying around on pillows listening to a beautiful raven-haired woman seated on the floor within the crowd singing Middle Eastern songs on an exotic stringed instrument.

All the rooms of the residents were open, each one a fantasy world of its own, filled with candles, incense, porches to the moon, and the unique personalities expressed of the artists that lived there. I wandered around mesmerized and I still hear that singer and her strings to this day.

The artistic strain of humanity is a joy, especially when it's a natural part of everyday life. It was customary those years to create openly like this and I hope that kind of cultural expression cycles back. Maybe I can help it along.

24/1/08 4:01 AM  
Blogger neith said...

AAAH! This sounds very much like a NN in Taurus moment! Opting for feeling comfortable in the body rather than pushing for the more extreme emotional experience (SN Scorp).

After I got back from India in 1969 I spent some time in Woodstock, NY, working with Tim Hardin, the singer songwriter who wrote If I Were A Carpenter.

Were we ever that young?! :-) I always loved that song and a hint of patchouli brings many memories of those times.

24/1/08 9:05 AM  
Blogger jm said...

Opting for feeling comfortable in the body rather than pushing for the more extreme emotional experience (SN Scorp).

Perfectly said. I'm liking that node more and more these days.:-) Especially with the Mars-Pluto opposition transit wise. I do believe the collective is making a push.

Yes! We were that young! I know I still look like I did. My hairstyle is the same:-) Hope this election doesn't turn it gray!

24/1/08 4:03 PM  
Blogger jm said...

You know neith, you bring up a good point. I notice I've been comfortable keeping more to myself lately, the North1. Things are quiet and solitary here giving me space and a chance to relax. I've always thought that the NN is a good place for stress release. Refuge and safety. It's amazing how life continually makes this available.

24/1/08 4:07 PM  
Blogger jm said...

This is rather interesting. Tim had a Saturn in Taurus. His life was turbulent but his music was soothing and understated.

One night in a small club in NYC, on the downslide of his life, he sang an old standard blues song Nobody Knows You When You're Down and Out
so slow and stretched out I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Slowed time to go into an altered dimension. All improvised with unique phrasing. Full of empty space, making everything else sound like child's play. Genius. Uranus conjunct that Taurus Saturn. Most interesting.

24/1/08 4:19 PM  
OpenID kritusi-vuki said...

Oh wow! That is amazing that you did this. Thank you for sharing. Wow... truly wonderful... that really speaks SELF RESPECT! Go you! *hugs*

25/1/08 12:57 AM  
Blogger neith said...

Genius. Uranus conjunct that Taurus Saturn. Most interesting.

Yes, those people with Uranus conjunct Saturn in Taurus were/are a very creative, unique bunch. I knew a few (with Taurus on the 7th, they were attractive to me . . .) but Uranus/Saturn conjunctions are not easy to live with for the individual or their friends. Uranus doesn't seem comfortable in Taurus like he does in Fire & Air signs.

25/1/08 9:17 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Honestly I think life has gotten harder for most people. The cost of living has sky rocketed. I would love to build such an enclave. This country has been devastated by greed and now we have to work much harder just to have a roof over our heads. It's harder to get the party started. Gone at least for now are the days of easy money. I think the 60's generation bears as much blame as anyone else for not finding ways to bring their personal transformations into new values for the culture.

25/1/08 10:39 AM  
Anonymous Elena said...

oh boy this is my story as well. keeping my energy field intact has been tough.I've actually come to read my body very well when the company of others doesn't suit me. Its a recent realization to own your emotions and the decision to protect yourself from energy vampires. I did pretty much the same thing at my last Christmas party (the one where everyone turned out to be a sex addict). I couldn't leave(I lived there, so I just left to wash the dishes for the next hour ;-)

25/1/08 8:15 PM  
Blogger jm said...

Uranus/Saturn conjunctions are not easy to live with for the individual or their friends.

So right neith. He had a hard life made difficult for everyone around him.

This country has been devastated by greed

Couldn't be more obvious.

Its a recent realization to own your emotions and the decision to protect yourself from energy vampires.

Boy howdy and hallelujah, elena.

finding ways to bring their personal transformations into new values for the culture.

Absolutely gorgeous statement for Pluto at 29 entering Capricorn.

Thank you everybody.

25/1/08 9:44 PM  
Blogger jm said...

And *hugs* to you too, kritusi.
Self repsect to the maximum.

25/1/08 10:46 PM  
Blogger chrispito said...

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Your tales are so interesting...I could read about your tales of travel forever...oh how I love to escape!

I did just what you speak of, recently. Time to walk away, time to put away my childish things, as the old quote goes.
It hasn't been easy to accept I can walk away from that which no longer is useful. In fact it's been horrific, but the thing is: once it's done, it's done. I'm learning with more emotional honesty, my art improves, etc.

29/1/08 11:24 PM  
Blogger jm said...

I'm learning with more emotional honesty, my art improves.

Omg.

30/1/08 12:33 AM  

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