The Last Test

Attention students!
Professor Weisenhadt's compulsory exam entitled Fear & Smear Politics in 21st Century American Society will be given in Obomeranian Hall over the course of the next month.

The formal announcement has been made. The Democratic candidate for the presidency of the United States of America will be attacked personally and ruthlessly according to traditional methods until November 4, 2008. Attempted evisceration, emulsification, and disposal are planned.

Everything is in place. The financial ax has fallen, the sturdiest candidate of an era has arrived, and Pluto is nearing 29 degrees Sagittarius for the conclusion of the course. Inoculations have been performed regularly throughout the last several years and the resistance is now ready to be put to the last test. An essay on fact and truth will be in the final section. Psychological Terrorism 101, 201, and 301 have been completed by everyone and the introductory course in optimism, transformation, and reconstruction as applied to political theory is currently filled to capacity. Change 101.

Good luck and have confidence. The Professor can be strict but he's fair. Make sure your pencils are sharpened, and it's been suggested by the faculty that you bring snacks in case of hunger -- something to smear on your crackers. And a grain of salt. Final grades will be announced mid-January, so be sure to stay posted.
Illustration: Lisbeth Zwerger